Lunch Special

My fists are clutched. My steps are well-paced. My opening and only line is well-rehearsed. I am ready. I know what I should do. I know what I should say. I know what I want...Here we go..now...do it! Go!

"Hi. General Tsao's chicken. Lunch Special. To Go. Uhhh. Please?"

Yes, I am at our "friendly" neighborhood Chinese take-out place Eat and Drink. So eat and drink (from hereon will be referred to as EnD) is the mom and pop of all mom and pop joints! Food is great. Well, I think so. Service is quick. Close to work. Reasonably priced - $6.50 for lunch special which includes entree, fried rice and egg-roll or crab rangoon. However, there is a catch...You have to know what you want before you step in front of the counter. Much like the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld except that is total fiction from a comedy sitcom and this is for real.

so EnD is strictly take out. There are couple of tables but I think they are for people who messed up at the counter and have to wait for a "probation" period before retrying. EnD is about the size of two(maybe three)toll booths (no, I am not kidding!) and located in the corner of a parking lot. If not for the neon signs outside, it could very well be mistaken to be the parking lot "office".

Anyway, going back to ordering protocol at the counter.
1. Before you do anything near the counter, decide what you want. Be as specific as you can. If you can stick to a number on the menu, even better!
2. Ea---aaa--se in front of the counter. Maintain eye contact. Clear your voice. You got one shot at this!
3. In a clear voice, place your order, mouthing words specific to your order. I have nailed mine to this "Hi. General Tsao's chicken. Lunch Special. To Go. Uhhh. Please?" You might want to rehearse yours.
4. Await confirmation but do not expect verbal confirmation. It could be a nod or even a wave. In my experience, it is the relay of the order in high-pitch voice in Chinese to the "Chef" standing 2 feet away from the counter, but don't count on that.
5. On "confirming" step away from the counter. Do not linger!
6. Don't get distracted. Keep your eyes and ears open. You are close to the finish. You can do it!
7. As soon as you hear your order "announced" from the counter, it is time to pick up the food. Do not hesitate. Do not flinch. Do not get carried away. Again, ea--aaa--se your way in front of the counter. Have your cash ready (can't use card if under $10 - no exceptions) and, this is real important, if you want crab rangoon instead of egg-roll, be sure to mention at this time, again in a clear voice. Egg-roll is default selection and trust me, they do not like to change once it is in the bag.
8. Pick up your order and ease out of the counter. Pick up fork, spoon, napkins, soy sauce, duck sauce from the table opposite the counter. Do not ask for it at the counter while picking up food!
9. Step outside the door. Take a deep breath. I usually eat my crab rangoon at this point to help overcome the stress I had just been through. If you need a full meal to overcome yours I am sure that is acceptable.

It is interesting how so many restaurants invest so much on decor, hospitality, servicing, liquor license, piano and what not but still go out of business. But this little shack does just one thing well and stays in business (and doing well I believe). Good for them the one thing they do well is make good food.

If you are ever in Chicago west loop, you should check it out. You will enjoy it...as long as you remember the protocol.