And after several days of holiday season inspired gluttony, we all decide to take charge of the situation. There are only so many ways you can stare at yourselves on the mirror and think maybe the mirror makes you look 10 lbs heavier. Maybe it was all the water I have been drinking today. Maybe I shouldn't look at myself after lunch. Next day you decide that it applies after breakfast...and the next day, never!
The first 2-3 weeks of January are the busiest weeks in any gym! Everyone fresh from their resolutions march into that gym and take charge of the situation. "Oh mirror on the wall, watch me melt away this fat". And the gym people see you coming. They are selling out personal training sessions, boot camps, jump camps, crawl camps...basically fat camps. Sports equipment and sports goods have their best months in January.
So like a lot of folks out there...I decided I was going to take charge of the situation. After several months of on and off "attendance" at the gym, I firmly decided that this year is the year of the gym. Oh ya, melt that fat, fat boy! I walk into the gym with great vengeance and furious anger (plagiarizing the bible). Baam! The locker room is full...do you know want is worse than being out of shape? Seeing a lot of other out of shape dudes walking around N-A-K-E-D! Holy cow! "Come on pal, how about a towel eh?" Oh well, managed to get the smallest locker in the corner most part of the locker room. Changing into workout clothes. What the. Come on! You are elastic, you workout shorts!! You cannot go tight on me? Isn't that the whole purpose of being elastic? Really?? Fine!! By next week its going to nice and loose baby!
Ok...running then? Elliptical? How about some weights? Oh wait, all of the above! That's right fat boy, you can do it! 20 minutes of treadmill, 20 minutes of elliptical, arms and chest, then abs. Let's start with treadmill. Here I come....oh crap. No treadmills available. All those fat boys walking around N-A-K-E-D in the locker are now bouncing on the treadmills. Bastards! Oh wait, I got one. I spring on to the treadmill. Oh boy, the lady next to me is running like a cheetah. Glancing at her treadmill...6.2! Eh, that is not so fast. I am going to see your 6.2 and raise 0.3 to a total of 6.5. Hit it! I am at top speed. That's right cheetah lady...I just beat you. Feel that wind? That's me running. If this was a real race, I would be wayyyy ahead of you. Oh ya, I can already feel the fat burning off. I might be a lb lesser now. Right? I mean I have been running for...what the F....15 seconds?? Okkk buddy, slow it down to a 6. It is very respectable. 15 more seconds pass. Well, maybe 5.5 can be made respectable. 1 more min. Ok, listen if you do it for 20 mins, 5 is super respectable. 10 mins later....well, it is just your first day in the gym. 4.8 is respectable. Cheetah lady is cooling down now...at 5! Show off!! That's fine. I am moving on to the elliptical anyway.
The elliptical arms are going zoom zoom zoom...this lady on the next elliptical is going crazy fast on this elliptical. Don't break those arms lady! I have a whole year to work out in this gym. But oh wait...wait a minute. You are P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T!! Oh come on!! Do you really have to show off so much? It is my first day back in a very long time. Thank you very much but I am going to go at my own pace and burn off this fat. After 15 self-motivating minutes...I think some stretching and we are good for today. Arms, chest and abs can wait for tomorrow. Don't start something you cannot sustain, fat boy.
After walking through other fat boys in the locker room and waiting for a shower and changing in a crowded locker room...again around other fat boys...I walk out of the gym a changed man. Well, not really since walking into the gym was enough of a changed man. But it is always nice to say walked out a changed man...well, a lighter man perhaps?
And that evening...I told the mirror, "That's right. I might be a fat boy but this fat boy is running and you will never see me this fat!".
This post is dedicated to all the fat and non-fat boys, who want to take charge of the situation. Be honest, take charge, stay healthy...believe!
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