This might very well turn into a rather personal blog. I do not know yet. I might find myself riding my emotions as I go on with this or I might exercise some self-restrain both to preserve some thoughts deep within me and to save the couple of people who read this blog from spectacular boredom.
I am on the 7:17am train and my hurried walk from home to the train station was completely unnecessary as the train was 5 minutes late. As I sit on the train my mind jumps to an image I have from the past. It is more of a memory than an image. I am riding the train with my dad en route to the holy Sabarimala. We are accompanied by my father’s friend whose two sons are in the USA. Both computer engineers I recall. My dad is in conversation with his friend and I am mostly tuned out of the rather boring conversation. My dad’s friend probably realizes that I am bored and in the attempt to throw a bone my way looks and me and goes “So Rohit, what are you going to do in the future?” I wasn’t too good at impromptu questions with people I don’t know. I still am not. I look at my dad and see that he is anxious to know as well. Without further thought I say I want to be either a doctor or an engineer. He is thrilled and my dad is proud. “Very Good”, he says in a typical oldies style. “My two sons are computer engineers in the US and they are doing very well”. Oh wow, must be nice, I thought to myself. He turns to my dad and says his son makes $175,000 a year and asked his mom to spend Rs.5000 each day. No, I am not kidding!! Anyway, I get the usual follow-up with regards to marks, rank, entrance and whatnot where I notice that my responses aren’t exactly getting the ceremonious “Very Good” from before. Anyway, the trip went by and I came back home. I still had this number in my head, $175,000! I found the rupees equivalent and converted it to Rs. I should state that this was the very first time I converted something from $ to Rupees and got a glimpse of the “American Dream”. Incredible! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Someone can actually make so much money?? I was sold. I was fully sold on the path I was going to take for the next several years.
Wow…I actually spend maybe 15 seconds on this memory in my head but it took me few minutes to write it down and that is a pretty decent size paragraph. Hmm.
I do not think my dad’s friend and his son’s lofty salary made me pick the career that I did. But here I am. Taking the 7:17am train and riding to work. My salary is not $175000. I have not asked my mom to spend Rs.5000 a day. I wonder how she would react to it. Knowing my mom she will ask me to save it for my future. Was this the future I had pictured in my mind when I proudly claimed that I want to be a doctor or an engineer? My career objectives were clearly set by my material pipe dream? Do I regret the career I picked? No, not really. Am I good at what I do? Well, I think I do alright. I wonder how I would have been in another career. Is it too late to pursue something else? Probably, considering that I do not what the “other” career is and besides I am not the adventurous type anyway. I wonder how I would have been if I had stayed back in India and pursued a career there. Certainly sounds promising when I think about it now but at that time every inch of my body wanted to be here and do exactly what I am doing today. In a way, I am living my dream. Was it my dream? Was it even a dream? I do not know anymore. I have thought of only two line of work in my entire life – the military and this. Military wasn’t very well received by the family and I suppose my passion for that wasn’t strong enough to oppose them and still go for it.
The recession had made me question what I am doing in the US anyway. I am thinking it is because that lofty salary American Dream started fading away. The thought of moving back to India is a topic for another day…
Why am I having these thoughts on the train today? I have some theories –
* I did not bring the next DVD of Sopranos so I have nothing to do on the train besides blog mindlessly.
* I am going through a middle age crisis. Shewwwt! I am not even middle-aged yet!!
* As a kid, a teenager, this is probably as far as I dreamed about. I am likely at a point in my life where I am going “Now what?” Maybe I was too immature when I made career choices and dreamed of my future life. I should have shooting for the stars?
In an attempt to sound intelligent I am going to go with the 3rd theory. Am I still chasing that $175000 (figuratively speaking)? I hear MBA from a top business school is my way out or way up rather. I don’t even know if I will find what I want with that MBA. Which makes me wonder if I even know what I want? I am 31 years old and still can’t see it clearly? Should I still resort to the popular belief and pursue something? Or is it just me being lazy?
Well, obviously I have more questions than answers. But that is how life is supposed to be…Or is it?
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2 comments:
Interesting observation! Based on what was mentioned in the blog, it appears that we are enamoured by $$ dreams more than anything else. The uncle mentioned that his son was making $175,000/year and sends Rs.5000 everyday, but do we have any idea if the son was actually was happy doing what he was doing in earning that $175K? That's pretty much where we are.$175K might not be a far-throw for us, but will we be more happy after reaching that figure? In my case for instance...I would find complete happiness in opening an orphanage in India and managing it. But am I in a state where I can go ahead and do it? NOT AT ALL! But why?? Money Money Money...we all live in that false sense of security that the greenback provides that we are completely oblivious to life without it. That leaves me with 2 options: (i) Suck it up and earn money and live life with this so called sense of security or (ii) Do what I really want to do(open a old age home or an orphanage).
What do you think I'll end up doing? as in the near future?
The answer is not hard at all.
Good points...You touched on happiness, being content and financial security. Maybe it is too much to ask for everything at the same time. A more realistic scenario would be to have most of all that at any given time.
To answer your question though -
>> What do you think I'll end up doing? as in the near future?
Go to India and open an old age home. Then turn into a politician. Become the Chief Minister of TamilNadu, then PM of India. -:)
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