Run fat boy...run!

And after several days of holiday season inspired gluttony, we all decide to take charge of the situation. There are only so many ways you can stare at yourselves on the mirror and think maybe the mirror makes you look 10 lbs heavier. Maybe it was all the water I have been drinking today. Maybe I shouldn't look at myself after lunch. Next day you decide that it applies after breakfast...and the next day, never!

The first 2-3 weeks of January are the busiest weeks in any gym! Everyone fresh from their resolutions march into that gym and take charge of the situation. "Oh mirror on the wall, watch me melt away this fat". And the gym people see you coming. They are selling out personal training sessions, boot camps, jump camps, crawl camps...basically fat camps. Sports equipment and sports goods have their best months in January. 

So like a lot of folks out there...I decided I was going to take charge of the situation. After several months of on and off "attendance" at the gym, I firmly decided that this year is the year of the gym. Oh ya, melt that fat, fat boy! I walk into the gym with great vengeance and furious anger (plagiarizing the bible). Baam! The locker room is full...do you know want is worse than being out of shape? Seeing a lot of other out of shape dudes walking around N-A-K-E-D! Holy cow! "Come on pal, how about a towel eh?" Oh well, managed to get the smallest locker in the corner most part of the locker room. Changing into workout clothes. What the. Come on! You are elastic, you workout shorts!! You cannot go tight on me? Isn't that the whole purpose of being elastic? Really?? Fine!! By next week its going to nice and loose baby!

Ok...running then? Elliptical? How about some weights? Oh wait, all of the above! That's right fat boy, you can do it! 20 minutes of treadmill, 20 minutes of elliptical, arms and chest, then abs. Let's start with treadmill. Here I come....oh crap. No treadmills available. All those fat boys walking around N-A-K-E-D in the locker are now bouncing on the treadmills. Bastards! Oh wait, I got one. I spring on to the treadmill. Oh boy, the lady next to me is running like a cheetah. Glancing at her treadmill...6.2! Eh, that is not so fast. I am going to see your 6.2 and raise 0.3 to a total of 6.5. Hit it! I am at top speed. That's right cheetah lady...I just beat you. Feel that wind? That's me running. If this was a real race, I would be wayyyy ahead of you. Oh ya, I can already feel the fat burning off. I might be a lb lesser now. Right? I mean I have been running for...what the F....15 seconds?? Okkk buddy, slow it down to a 6. It is very respectable. 15 more seconds pass. Well, maybe 5.5 can be made respectable. 1 more min. Ok, listen if you do it for 20 mins, 5 is super respectable. 10 mins later....well, it is just your first day in the gym. 4.8 is respectable. Cheetah lady is cooling down now...at 5! Show off!! That's fine. I am moving on to the elliptical anyway. 

The elliptical arms are going zoom zoom zoom...this lady on the next elliptical is going crazy fast on this elliptical. Don't break those arms lady! I have a whole year to work out in this gym. But oh wait...wait a minute. You are P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T!! Oh come on!! Do you really have to show off so much? It is my first day back in a very long time. Thank you very much but I am going to go at my own pace and burn off this fat. After 15 self-motivating minutes...I think some stretching and we are good for today. Arms, chest and abs can wait for tomorrow. Don't start something you cannot sustain, fat boy. 

After walking through other fat boys in the locker room and waiting for a shower and changing in a crowded locker room...again around other fat boys...I walk out of the gym a changed man. Well, not really since walking into the gym was enough of a changed man. But it is always nice to say walked out a changed man...well, a lighter man perhaps?

And that evening...I told the mirror, "That's right. I might be a fat boy but this fat boy is running and you will never see me this fat!". 

This post is dedicated to all the fat and non-fat boys, who want to take charge of the situation. Be honest, take charge, stay healthy...believe!

I believe in Santa Claus!

For the last couple years, around Christmas time, I put on my Santa outfit (yes, I have a Santa outfit) and bring presents to a handful of very anxious and very excited kids. They sit on the floor in front of me, listen very carefully and follow all the instructions. They wait for their names to be called out, and walk to me with a big smile. I hand out the present and they give me a hug, pose for pictures and go back to their spot. They are thrilled about getting presents from Santa...but guess what? They know all along that it's me. That knowledge doesn't take away any joy from them and as simple as it is...there is a profoundness about it. It is not because of just the gifts and it is not just because they think I am Santa...

It is because they chose to believe in the magic and they chose to live it.

As simple as that is...I know I will have a hard time doing that.

There is magic all around us. We just choose to not believe in the magic and choose to not live it. Life is truly magical I feel. How else would you explain the laugh of a child? How else would you explain the love of your family and friends? How else would you explain all the kindness and the generosity around you? How else would you explain the great creations and inventions by mankind?...But we don't always believe in that magic. That is where doubt and jealousy and hatred and selfishness creep in. The world will be a better place if we all believed in that magic around us...and if we lived in it bit more!

I am not one for new resolutions and this is not a resolution. But I will try and believe in this magic some more. I am going to live in it some more. So I am not going to talk myself out of trying out a new idea. I am not going to talk myself out of a workout. I am not going to stop myself from trying something because it looks too hard or too exhausting. I am not going to stop myself from calling an old friend because I want to avoid the awkwardness of explaining why I didn't respond to his call from 2 years ago. I am not going to stop myself from dreaming...and I am not going to stop writing.

I believe in Santa Claus!

Me, Sachin and Indian cricket over the years

It is 1989. I am 11 years old and already a fan of Indian cricket like any other 11 year old. One evening as we were gathering around the neighborhood "ground" to play cricket, someone talked about a kid who scored 28 runs off a single over of Abdul Qadir. "Oh wow, really? Too bad it is in an exhibition match", most of us noted and spent rest of the evening trying to "emulate" an innings none of us had watched and beginning to idolize a kid none of us knew. Sachin Tendulkar is 16 years old and has entered world stage. Indian cricket will never be the same. Cricket records will never be the same.

It is 1994. I am 16 years old and a huge fan of Sachin like any other Indian and like everyone I am dying to see Sachin score a ODI hundred. My parents have started talking about the board exams next year and how I should not be so obsessed about cricket. India's tour of New Zealand and if my memory serves right, matches were early AM India time. Sachin comes in as the opener and fires 82 runs off 49 balls. He falls short of his century yet again but India has found its opener and Sachin has found his "role" in the team. Sachin is 21 and in the same year scores his first ODI hundred.

It is 1998. I am 20 years old and like every Indian been through many happiness and sorrows of the Indian cricket team. There are many but to state a few - India beating Pakistan in 1992 and 1996 (Pakistan wins 1992 cup but we console ourselves cuz we beat them in the league match; 1996 Venky Prasad and his slow ball to Aamir Sohail), the last over of the innings bowled by Sachin to McMillan and Allan Donald and India wins by 2 runs, the many collapses of the batting after Tendulkar's departure (not to mention the 1996 WC humiliating loss against Sri Lanka in the semis). India is playing Australia at Sharjah in the "semi-finals" and while India doesn't need to win the match need to ensure a high run-rate to make the finals against Australia. Sachin clobbers them and specifically targets the pick of their bowlers Warne. I remember watching the match on a 27" television sitting several feet away with hundreds of other students. Sachin scores centuries in both the matches and India beats Australia in the finals. Sachin is 25 and almost a lone warrior in the batting line up and already Shane Warne's worst nightmare. As for me...I have met my future wife. -:)

It is 2001. I am 23ish and a penniless/broke, unhappy master's student at UTD. I haven't watched cricket in a long time since I had given up on the team following the match fixings done by Azharuddin and others. One of my roommates came home after watching a match and talked about how there is a batsman named "Shaywaag" who bats just like Sachin. He tells the resemblance is uncanny. Impossible I say. Sehwag continues to do well in the series and I start following cricket again, at least reading up on articles. My roommate was right. There are some shots were the resemblance to Sachin is uncanny. Sachin is 28 and having his share of injuries but India has found their aggressive opener in Sehwag. Viru's batting style, IMO, allows Sachin in the coming years to work on building innings instead of focusing on destroying the batting during the first 15 overs. One among the millions Sachin has inspired to play cricket, Viru joins him as an opener and for years to come become one of the most feared opening pairs! I am a believer again.

It is 2002. I am 23/24ish and just landed a very modestly paying gig after school. India is playing England in the Natwest series finals. The top order including Sachin collapses but Yuvi and Kaif chase down the huge total and India wins. Ganguly takes his shirt off in the Lord's stadium balcony and circles it in the air. He is criticized by many but Indian cricket is beginning to learn aggression and pride like never before. Ganguly's ego and "snottiness" was the perfect recipe needed for Indian cricket after Azhar and others ruined it for over a decade. Sachin has finally found a team that can win matches along with him. There were few more wins before that though most notably in the Kolkata test match but Ganguly's twirling of his shirt was almost like wading off all the bad karma Azhar and other losers had left back.

It is 2007. I am 28/29, married and expecting our first daughter. India is playing in the first T20 championships and Dhoni is the new captain of the side. Sachin and other seniors decide to leave T20 up to the younger players of the side. A young side under a young untested captain reaches the finals against Pakistan. My wife has an appointment with her OBGYN and I am needed to accompany her there. As we are waiting for the doctor in the room, I am on the phone with my friend getting updates of the score. Just a few seconds before the doctor walks in, India becomes T20 world champions. India has found its uber-cool leader in Dhoni and eventually when Sachin is offered the test captaincy after Dravid steps down, he recommends Dhoni to become the captain of all formats. Sachin now has the team and the uber-cool captain to harness all the aggression and talent in the Indian side.

It is 2011. I am 32 and father of two beautiful daughters. One of my two sporting world dreams has come true - India has won a gold medal in the Olympics. I am cautiously waiting for WC 2011 and the second dream. India is ranked first in Test cricket and second is ODI cricket. The fans are getting used to the success of the team in spite of some disasters like the last world cup in west indies. Uber-cool Dhoni is not untested anymore, he has been immensely lauded and also criticized in the past few years but this world cup is probably his ultimate test. Me, a great fan of Dhoni start telling my friends that he should step down as captain if India doesn't win the world cup. It is time to try something else I say without even knowing what that might or could be. Sachin is 37, playing his last world cup and has been saving up his form and fitness for it. He goes on to become the second highest scoring batsman in the championship but Yuvi has found his form in time as well. As we start watching the finals, my friend says "here it is man...here is what Sachin has been waiting for...it is up to him now". Sachin is gone for 18 and disappointment would be an understatement. His uber-cool captain Dhoni and his backup opener Gambhir do what Sachin had hoped to do. When Dhoni hits the huge six and India wins the world cup...well...nothing can describe how I felt. Not something my writing skills can describe.

It has been a long wait...but it is over now. There are many theories about why India couldn't win a world cup all these years with Sachin in the team. Even outside the wasted years under Azhar, there were world cup sorrows for Sachin, me and all of India. But that has washed away now. India are world champions. Sachin is part of the championship team and the world's best batsman. And me? Well...I am an Indian and a fan...and I am happy...very happy. For Sachin! For India!

Thank you Tendlya...you are the best and you deserved the best!

Jai Hind!

This is me...unedited...unrated...read at your own risk!

This blog goes into my personal space…ok you are warned now.

When you are stopped at a traffic light next to hot woman in a car and you find yourself looking at the car...you should wonder, "What is wrong with me?" She was driving a Cadillac Escalade and my dream of owning a “fancy” car explains what is “wrong” with me.

So why don’t I own a fancy car? What stops me? Among the million other reasons why I don’t drive a Cadillac Escalade or an ML or an X5, there is one I cannot change…it’s Me.

I don’t need anyone to talk me out of it. I have talked myself out of it so many times that thoughts of buying one, owning it, driving it, not buying it, not owning and not driving it all happen in a flash now. My mind races through those entire set of thoughts, well, without even thinking.

Folks close to me have seen me go through this craziness so many times and just shake their heads. I wouldn’t blame them since I have talked so many times of buying “the car I love”. I have also even been told, “If you are so crazy about it, why don’t you just do it?” I wish it was that simple to me. I wish I could see things that way. I don’t. I simply don’t think I am set up to act on such emotions. I have to dig deep into my mind to find out what makes me do what I do. It is a frustrating process when the one thing you have to change is your own mind entirely under your control, yet, it is not.

So after playing a shrink for myself…here is my analysis.

Phase 1:
I grew up in a family that respected the value of money a great deal. There were several times when I was unhappy with my parents for being so “conservative” about spending money. I failed to understand why something so simple as buying things had to be so complicated. Now don’t get me wrong. I had a pretty comfortable childhood. The “things” that I mentioned are things like wanting to buy a new shoe when the old one is just fine or wanting to ride a auto-rickshaw when the bus ride is just fine. Our family’s monetary ability increased as I grew up and I only found my desire to want “things” get bigger. I needed a motorcycle of course. When I was in my 3rd year of college, my dad asked me to come along with him. He took me to a Yamaha showroom and said I could buy a bike right there. “Just like that?”, I asked. Yes. He paid cash down on the motorcycle and I rode it home. It is probably one of the happiest days in my life. I think about it today and it is probably because my parents spent money wisely, they were able to buy me a motorcycle when I had no reason to own a motorcycle.

Phase 2:
When I was penniless, desperate and helpless in the early years of this decade, my respect for money only increased. I kept drilling into my head that if there is a universal truth it is that you either have money or you don’t. There is no middle ground. Even if there is it means nothing. I could have money, I had money, I want to have money, I should have don’t mean anything when what you need is money…I decided when I get money I will learn to control it. I promised myself I will never find myself in a situation like that before. I promised myself that I will never feel helpless because I do not have money.

I am in no way a miser. I wish I was. I would have a lot more money. So my theory is this. What I do is I look for things I can talk myself out of and I obsess about it. I develop this weird emotion where I feel frustration and pride at the same time. I am frustrated that I couldn’t go buy my X5 but at the same time I pride at my control on my desires. I feel defeated by myself yet feel successful having "controlled money". There is no right or wrong. I have a system. I have it running. I do not know if it working for me or against me. I do know that it is killing some brain cells.

What happens to my system and me can only be answered over time…I am looking at motorcycles now that I have exhausted all car thoughts. You never know. My system might break and I might actually give in to one of these things.

Thanal

"Five days old", the guy says. Unprompted he repeats, "five days old". All those insignificant things I have been stressed out all my life just washed away seeing this five-day old baby sleeping on its side, fists clutched. Yes, there is sorrow in this world. Plenty of it. And unfortunately, the most helpless among us, the children, get most of it.

I visited a nearby orphanage today, Thanal. It was quiet as we walked in...the kids were in class. We sat down in the office and took care of some stuff. While waiting in the room few kids peeped through the windows and smiled. I smiled back. I was getting ready to leave when the guy in the office said we should walk over to the baby section. He leads me into this two-room building and as soon as he opens the door a toddler runs up to the door and looks outside and starts laughing. You cannot fake innocence...oh no you cannot. As I proceed into the room I see few more toddlers inside most of them just standing and looking at me. He introduces me to an old woman as the person who takes care of the kids. She folds her hand and says "Namaste". She steps aside and there is this little baby sleeping on its side. Thick dark hair...and it had the newborn-like cheeks. The baby looked so precious. "Five days old", the guy says and repeats himself. Tears filled my eyes. I wasn't sure how to react. I wanted to ask the baby's name. If it was a boy or a girl. How the baby got here. No, I couldn't. I just stood there and looked at the baby. A horde of emotions took over me. Mostly helplessness. I felt completely helpless standing there and looking at this five day old baby. Every few seconds I glanced at the other toddlers and they were looking back at me as well.

I gave the old woman and her helper some money and walked out. Few hours have passed since but I am unable to shake this image. Earlier today my wife and I had an argument regarding which mode of transport we should take from my in-laws to my home. I feel like a complete idiot now. In the face of everything those kids are facing and are going to face, my issues are trivial if not non-issues. I keep complaining about the little uncertainties in my life. Today I saw what uncertainty means.

I pray that those kids find all the strength and happiness from anywhere and everywhere...

Oh and we tossed away from our argument from earlier. We are taking the train back. Yes, it was a non-issue...

Erumely to Panjal

I should clarify couple things first...
# I speak fluent Malayalam and while I cannot read it as well I can manage few essential things such as movie names, newspaper headlines, bus destinations and such.
# I am NOT a mineral-water-drinking-ipod-showing-off NRI (not really Indian). I am just someone who is not very comfortable in unfamiliar places.

After spending 2 days at my in-laws I was on my way back home. My wife and daughter were going to spend few more days there so this was a solo-trip. My BIL aka brother-in-law dropped me off at Kottayam (google map might be needed or just picture a Kerala city with rich rubber-achayans or rich-christians-with rubber estates). On the way he picked up couple more shirts for me. BTW, I really wish I had an appetite for power dressing because this trip has given me plenty of shirts. As per my wife's prediction those shirts will stay in the closet while I wear my 'loser' t-shirts to work. My BIL said I should get into the A/C coach to avoid the mad rush. Fine...never say no to comfort. It is a 3-hr trip during the day so there is no reservation. I was told I can board the train with a sleeper-class ticket and ask the TTR to 'upgrade' me. Coolio...

Situation #1
I walk into the A/C coach. People are power napping on all seats. Great! Since I don't have a reservation I really can't ask anyone to move. But what are the odds! I find a window seat totally empty...or so I had presumed. I joyfully jumped into the seat and make myself comfortable. As I was settling down a dude walks up to me and goes "yeh aapka seat hey?". Nahi, kyun, aapka hey?, I ask him trying to show off my hindi skills. That didn't seem to impress him because he abandoned hindi and moved on to English. "This is my seat. I have a pillow here". I look around and find a A/C coach car complimentary pillow next to me. I knew what this dude was trying to do. "There is a pillow on every seat so are they all your seats?", I ask him. The guy who was power napping all this while felt this was worth breaking his nap so literally rose to the occasion and says "Saamy...". OK, so I left a minor detail from this. The "dude" was on his way back from Sabarimala. The power-napper was hinting that I should let go off the seat because he is a saamy. Well, I wasn't going to. Traveling in India is tough and I usually have my claws out when I travel so I wasn't going to back out. The dude walks away. Phew! A minute later he comes back with 4 other saamys. Great. The saamys are going to muscle me out of my seat. So trying to sound all confident and bold I go "What is it that you want? This seat?" Yes, the dude goes. "Sorry, I cannot do that", I go. As soon as those words left my mouth I realized it was a dumb thing to say. All I did was provoke him and I was in no position to take these guys on. "Wait here..TTR will come now", the dude warns me. Fine, I am going nowhere. A lot of thoughts go in my mind. The TTR is probably more religious than me so clearly he will throw me out of this seat and give it to saamy. Worse he might even insult me in front of everyone. I did think about relinquishing the seat but my ego is too big for that. Nervously but not showing it at all I sit and wait for the TTR. I could blog just about the TTRs in India. You would think people have gathered around a celebrity but they are just standing around the TTR to get their seat confirmed. Minutes go by and every now and then the saamy and his group would drop likes "TTR is in next seat..wait", almost like a threat. Tick tock...tick tock. TTR walks in and it couldn't have been more uneventful. He asks for my ticket. I give him my sleeper class ticket. He goes "175 rupees". Paid...done. He walks away. The saamy in total disbelief goes "Sir..seat". "Come come come..." and the TTR walks away. Phew...I felt pretty proud. I had stood ground and held on to my seat...yay! The rest of this train journey was as uneventful as the TTR's entry.

Situation #2
I get off at Thrissur station and walk out to find an auto. I had to go to 'vadakkey stand (north stand)'. In less than a minute I realized that this wasn't going to be easy. Apparently, it was rush hour which is really all time in India I think. There were a bunch of folks waiting for autos. Autos were in such high demand that they did a quick screening of passengers. The auto driver would slow down to a waving customer and raise his eyebrows as he makes eye contact. The customer calls out his destination and if it pleases his holiness he will stop to pick up the customer. If he is not interested he will just speed away to the next guy and follow the same protocol. I wasn't sure if vadakkey stand was a popular one. I figured it is a bus stand so they will be interested. Just as I was settling down with these thoughts a bunch of women stand in between me and the next customer. What the! Now I won't even make it to the screening. Geez...fine. I decided to move up the line by walking half a kilometer. The good news is plenty of autos came by but the bad news was I failed all their screening tests. Vadakkey stand wasn't popular after all. It was really frustrating. Even Simon Cowell is more courteous to folks auditioning for American Idol! After a dozen of them passed by, an auto slowed down and it looked promising. However, the words vadakkey stand didn't help at all. Just as he was about to speed away, I held on to the auto "oru minutey". The guy felt bad for me and explained the situation. Apparently, the roads to vadakkey stand are completely blocked during this hour so it is really not worth the trip. He said if I can walk up to certain place and cross the road I will have better luck. Well, can you take me to that point? He thought for couple seconds and said fine. We reach the "point" and he goes "enna pottey...vadakkey stand engil vadakkey stand". Yoohoo...he is going to drop me at vadakkey stand.

Some out of place prologue..
Kerala is notorious for few things - coconuts, gulf or gelf money, monsoon, hartals and road rash. The road situation is pretty much like a jungle. The top of the food chain are buses. Commuter buses are privately owned as well so they are extremely competitive. You can easily let go your six-flags season tickets if you plan on riding these buses. The bus ride is just like riding a roller coaster. So the buses will do whatever it takes to get past anybody else. Next comes the lorries or in mallu-fashion lowrees. Mallus even call most of the lowrees 'Pandi lowrees' indicating the lowrees that come from other states mostly from Tamilnadu. Taxi cabs, private cars and autos follow in this order. And yes, pedestrians are at the bottom, ready to become road-kills.

Situation #3
After the benevolent auto driver dropped me off at the vadakkey stand, I walk to find the bus to Panjal. I find the bus but it looks almost full with no seats. If riding a bus seated is like a roller coaster riding it standing is like being thrown off a cliff and bouncing off rocks. I walk up to the "kili" whose role I will explain shortly and asks if there are any seats. He says oh yeah plenty. He takes up the bus and walks to the ladies section and asks the only female passenger to move to another ladies seat and asks me to sit there. What the hell! What if other women come? "Chumma iri sarey", he yells out and walks away. So the kili is short for cleaner. As I understand it the kili has two primary duties. One being to clean the bus. The other which is more important is to make sure people get in and get out of the bus fast. The kili stands by the front door and whistles when nearing a stop. The bus will stop only when there are people are ready to board or wanting to get off. Sometimes when the situation is somewhat unclear the bus will slow down and the kili will do a quick assessment and whistle away. After the traumatic ride in the bus even the passengers want to get out immediately and the kili's push doesn't bother them too much. So I sat down in this seat but keep worrying about the possibility of a woman getting on board and making the rightful claim to this seat. As I am completing this thought few women get on board. Oh shoot! What do I do? Do I claim the freakin kili put me here if asked? Or just be a gentleman and get out of their seat. There is such a thing as luck. A dude sitting the gents section gets up and leaves. Must have changed his mind. I quickly jumped to his seat. The guy in the other seat gives me a dirty look but whatever...After several traumatic turns and sudden brakes I hear the stop before mine. Time to stand up. I was holding on to the bars with every muscle I got for the next 5 minutes. And the kili's push couldn't have earlier...

Finally..I was home. The end!

The moron, the jackass and Patriotism!

Several years ago when I was in college I participated in a competition where you had to talk nonstop for 3 minutes (I forget what the name of this contest was). The topic I got out of the hat was patriotism. I took the rule to heart and spoke non-stop for 3 minutes. The jackass who followed me twisted the rule and spoke so slowly that he didn't need a break at all. I still won't forget the jackass's talk...ugh...I could throw up. The moron who judged us scored the jackass higher and he won. I didn't even make the top 5 which is bad consider only 7 students tried out and one didn't even try. So in all statistical truth I finished last. I was never good at contest anyway...

Now that I have vented about the moron, the jackass and my failed attempt I will move on with my blog.

I do not remember a lot about what I spoke that day. Mostly gibberish since I never really had the time to prepare and had to talk without a break. However, I remember the first two sentences. "What is Patriotism? Does it mean carrying the flag and staging protests? Does it mean standing in the rain and yelling out 'I love India'?" Funny how I started and I am reasonably sure I just continued with a line of questioning. Maybe the moron was right in marking me last.

But really...what is patriotism?

Bal Thackarey thinks the Indian cricket team canceling its series against Australia in protest of the attacks on Indians in Australia is patriotism. There used to be a time when I was a fan of this man. Way back...back when India was afraid to make a statement he verbally attacked Pakistan and it brought great joy to me. He still makes those statements but he doesn't make much sense anymore about pretty much anything.

CPM thinks abandoning all relationships with the US is patriotism. We are "selling our motherland" is what they claim. It is funny how the communists in India make that claim considering they sold our country to Russia during the 70s and the 80s. Shewt!! Even the communists aren't really communists here. Congress made sure the communists didn't feel left out by joining the clearance sale.

A 23 year old IT professional thinks staying in India and not pursuing high-paying jobs in the US is patriotism. I got news for him...the high-paying jobs there...are not easy to come by and even if they do, you will end up spending the "high salary" pursuing the American dream. Maybe for some it is a "sacrifice" staying back in India but in many cases if not most, it is just a smarter choice.

Thankfully, I do not have to answer that question...definitely not in 3 minutes without taking a break.

Patriotism is an idea. And like all ideas each person understands it differently. I do not wear Pakistan-made anything and while I take some pride in making that claim that is probably not patriotism. I wear a T-shirt with the Indian tri-colors but that doesn't really prove anything. Most people don't even get it and I have to explain it.

IMHO, billion or more people coming together for any cause is patriotism. Our ability to maintain a democratic government all these years is patriotism. Our ability to co-exist with different languages and religions is patriotism. Our ability to cheer for 1 national cricket team is patriotism. Unfortunately, the same billion people come together for corruption, communal riots, casteism, regionalism and a lot more. India has always been too diverse and ruled by so many different people. Maybe our country hasn't matured enough. It would take another 500 years before state lines will disappear. People would have inter-married so much that there would be no real tamilian or malayalee. And that time maybe the only identity they can claim would be Indian. Perhaps at that time patriotism will not be an idea...maybe it will be a way of life.

Jai Hind!

Hartal

Like anyone who has visited India after few years (3.5 in my case) I can rave about the progress India has made in the past several years. I can write pages about all the changes that have happened since I last visited. I can pour my heart out about the cell-phone-explosion, broadband-explosion (my village has broadband...yay!) and all the several thousand buildings that are being constructed all over the city. But...what is on my mind is Hartal.

We kept our trip here a secret until we showed up at home so it was a total surprise to everyone. I did tell my cousin so that he could arrange for a cab. Just as we landed in Cochin, the dude sitting next to me goes "There is a hartal today. You know right?" Hmm..No, I do not. "Oh ya, there is a hartal so try and get home by 6am", he goes on. What the heck...

So after baggage claim and customs we walk out and I am looking for a cab driver holding a placard with my name. Unable to find anyone I start walking around and find my cousin. After the initial greetings he delivers the same hartal news and says we are stranded in Cochin until 6pm. I suppose my surprise entry at home had to wait for another 12 hours.

This blog is really not about my visit...

Hartal in my opinion is a crime. It is a crime against humanity. Human beings are not meant to sit and vegetate. The reason our race rules this earth is because they get "shit done"! We can thank Mahatma Gandhi for inspiring us to go on Bandh/hartal/hunger strikes for everything that we are unhappy about. And since the precedence has been set we now shamelessly flaunt it. Gandhi's approach was a failed stratergy. India became free but it left us weak. We were told to pray, stay hungry and tolerate violence and that is exactly what we did. A nation of 350 million were made to believe that the British left because of our hartals. Now a nation of over billion believes that...our freedom fighters were willing to do anything for their country and that is exactly what they did. They were asked to tolerate violence and they did that. They were asked to stay hungry and they did that. Our leaders then and now are too weak to face any issues head on. We should have kicked the british out instead of walking with them until the doorstep and sending them off with parting gifts. It wasn't meant to be a farewell...it was supposed to be a retreat for them. Today our leaders follow the same stratergy. Whether it is terrorism from across the border or dispute regarding state borders we go on hartals and hunger strikes...

India's progress is in spite of our leaders and their ways and it makes me wonder...how much more a billion people could have done if we had aggressively kicked the British out and not included hartals in our domestic agenda. A lot more...a lot more.

Kerala qualifies for a special mention here. Hartal here is a way of life. People are so used to it now that they know exactly what to do and which is to accept it...accept it gladly and vegetate all day. Rediff.com states Kerala lost Rs.2000 crores due to over 100 hartals in 2009. Ironically, the high court banned bandhs and it was upheld by the Supreme Court. Nothing changed for Kerala...well, not entirely anyway. Now bandhs are called Hartal and they have the exact effect. Kerala with all its natural beauty, 100% literacy and resources has nothing much to show progress wise. All credit go to the leaders here and of course to the people of Kerala. Leaders are nothing if there are not followers. Keralites have come to be the biggest enablers for hartals. It is sad...just sad.

We have serious issues in Kerala and India. Hartals are not our answer. A nation of billion people cannot sit idle. We are not "fighting" the british anymore. Staying home in protest only hurts our pockets. Wake up India...wake up! Don't enable our leaders...make them for once...lead!

Jai Hind!

Foosball

In an office, whether you work hard or hardly work, you definitely play hard. Folks find different ways to do that. Smoking, coffee breaks, browsing, water-cooler-gossiping or even office romance are some commonly used ways to "play" hard. Mine for the past few years has been Foosball.

Whoever invented Foosball has to be a genius. For that matter all sports inventors have to be geniuses. Except for maybe Curling...but that's just me.

Coming back to playing hard and Foosball for the past few years it has been my outlet. My stress reliever at work and I truly enjoyed it. I do alright and have definitely improved since I started playing but I have hit what you would call a plateau. I play with the same set of folks and do not try to do anything different so that is somewhat expected. And I do not have any aspirations to jump into amateur Foosball championships. Although that does seem like a good thing to pursue during my mid-life crisis when I do decide to grow up.

However, sometimes life throws at you challenges that will just leave you exhausted. In the past few weeks that came in the form of a construction job in the office. We received an email saying the workers have to work on the roof so need access through the glass doors. That meant the Foosball table had to be moved but the email specifically mentioned that it will be merely moved and will suffer no outage in playing time. That allayed any fears us Foosball enthusiasts had.

It started with the table being dirty from tar and dust. We could clean that off and that we did. We continued our game that day and no harm was done. Next day things got worse. We came to kick off our usual game and boom, all the Foosball balls were gone! Who would do such a thing? Such a sick joke right? We managed to find couple of old balls. They were dented and slowed down the game but what are you going to do? We didn't want to risk the balls again so decided to take them back to our desks. As soon as we got back to our desks we ordered new tornado Foosball balls.

You would think that things got better from here right? No, I only wish. We come in the next day and find that the Foosball table is really dirty and it took few minutes to clean it off. We complained and the most enthusiastic one among us went and complained to the office manager. Next day, our new Foosball balls arrive and we walk into the lunch room to kick off a game with them. How exciting!!! Oh no! We find the table wrapped in a big plastic sheet. And a notice that says do not use until Nov 25. That means no Foosball until after Thanksgiving. What the...As we contemplate removing the plastic sheet our office manager comes by and says no, can't do that. "Read the notice", she says. "You guys complained about the table so now don't complain when we are trying to protect it". Argh!!! Completely bummed out, we walk back to our desks...

And there it sits...wrapped in a cold plastic sheet...unable to live its life...unable to fulfill its destiny...crying out to us...

We shall soon be reunited...soon. 9 days and counting! Games begin Nov 30.

The evil named McDonald's

Some might think my title is rather harsh but it is what it is...

I had 6 minutes to catch my train. And I had to get something to eat before getting on the 1 hr 10 min train (the non-express ones suck!). As I move across the food court I see 2 options - Corner Bakery and McDonald's. Now corner bakery will take forever to give your order and I really don't have that sort of time. So I turn to McDonald's. I haven't been there in such a long time except for maybe Coffee. I look for healthier options on the menu and find grilled chicken sandwich. I walk up to the counter and the sleepy looking person at the counter is somewhat disappointed I picked her counter over others. Well, I am sorry. I picked the one closest. So anyway, I go on and order this "1 grilled chicken sandwich with no mayo or cheese, side salad and bottled water". Sorry, we are out of bottled water, she says. Fine, I will take a diet sprite. It cost me $8.03 which is high for McDonald's but I was more worried about my train. After 30 seconds I get a giant cup of Coke. Well, I wanted diet Sprite. Sorry, but Coke is the only diet product we have, says sleepy clerk. Geez, this had to happen when I have no time. Soon they give me my order and I realize I have 2.5 mins for my train and I better run. Once on the train, I open my lunch and this is what I found -
* 1 Crispy chicken sandwich with Mayo (and a lot of it).
* A huge order of fries. It was huge.
* side salad which looked like crap.
* well, the giant diet Coke was already a mess up.
That is when I realized that not only did they give me a crispy chicken sandwich instead of the grilled one, but they "super-sized" me! And I didn't even want fries.

McDonald's thrives on people making wrong decisions about their diet. They want people to keep eating those 1/4 pounder burgers and mega huge fries. That is why they work so hard to lobby for everything that will make it cheaper and cheaper. And they control the food industry so much that they dictate how food is supposed to be grown in the united states. Watch Food Inc.

I have also heard a ex-high level executive of McDonald's say that they set up their stores such that you only see healthy options outside. You do not see the giant burgers and fries until you are in. And they have found that people have trouble exercising restraint once they see all that on the menu.

Just submitted a complaint on their website. I am not expecting to hear anything from them but I had to vent. Well, some of the venting is on this blog. I would have usually tried to introduce some humor but this was way too frustrating for that.

And I fell sick a day later - I wouldn't blame it on McDonald's just yet...

Subtle

I love movies. And I have a pretty darn good memory of the movies I have watched. I wish I had that memory with other things – would have helped me as a student. But I think the memory is because of the interest. Few scenes from a movie stay in my mind for….uhh…ever I think. Over the years I realized that those scenes are my favorite scenes because of their subtlety in telling that piece of the story. And the reason I probably like them is because I feel I am some movie critic for having noticed that subtlety. Hey, we all need something to boost our mojo right? This is one of mine…

So here are my top 3. It should also be of no surprise that they are from my favorite movies. Again, these are subtleties in my opinion and I am no movie critic.

Godfather II – Fredo betrayed Michael. Michael found out, confronted Fredo and said he is out of the family. He doesn’t want to see him anymore and he can visit his mother when Michael is out of the house. He walks out of the room and once he is out he tells Al that nothing should happen to Fredo while his mother is alive. Forward few scenes from here...their mother died and it is her _wake_. Fredo and Michael see each other and they hug. Michael gives this tight big hug and with this really intense face glances at Al. Enough said. Wow! I still get Goosebumps when I watch that scene. Subtlety here is the tight hug saying how hard it is for him to order his brother’s hit. And the glance at Al with the intense look tells all that Al needs to know. Depending on how you look at it, it could be a cold order or a very emotional one but Al gets the order with no ambiguity. With just a glance…wow!!!


Gladiator – Maximus pictures himself walking through his fields. He opens his eyes, picks up some dirt, rubs it between his hands and smells it. He gets up and as he turns notices a bird sitting on this thin branch. There is dew on the branch and the bird is shown in the backdrop of just mist. Maximus smiles for a second. He turns, the smile vanishes and he has this really intense war face. He turns and walks away as couple of soldiers rides their horses and the battle-worn place is shown. Subtle! Maximus is picturing his house and sees this bird. The smile shows the other side of this warrior. Shows what he is fighting for. Changes immediately to show his men he means business. That he is the general!


Nayagan – Velu Naickar is mad. He is really mad at this new DSP who has arrested his dearest friend Selva. Filled with rage he goes to the house of this SP. Knocks on the door and almost pushes the maid to go bring the DSP. As the maid goes in he walks around the room looking at the pictures. He notices his daughter in the pictures just as she calls out asking who it is. He is shocked. Not much dialogue here at all. Few moments into this a kid calls out for his mother from inside. His daughter says she will be right there. Naickar is overcome by emotion here. No dialogue again. He looks for something he can give his grandson. He finds no money in his pocket and is ready to remove his ring when the daughter says no. Says she doesn’t want him in her life...There is subtlety in the way the powerful underworld Don is completely helpless in front his daughter but at the same time exercising restraint is not using his power and just walking out of her life. WOW! What a great scene! Manirathnam is a genius…even if this is based on Godfather, the movie has enough originality in it!

PD

Few years ago I was invited to a 1 yr old kid’s b’day party. On a side note, now I get invited on account of my daughter. Ha! I hadn’t wised-up back then so showed up on time for a desi party. Yup. I was at least an hour earlier than everybody. The hosts were scrambling to get everything set up and since I was the dumb moron who showed up “early”, I had to help them carry the chairs to the basement. Anywayz…an hour or so went by and guests finally started arriving. Since I had been there for a while I almost started feeling like I am the host. As I snap out of that I get introduced to a bunch of folks whose name registered in my head as a dictated grocery list from my wife does. It was going to be an evening full of pronouns, I figured.

We stand around while we are served 7 up or fanta or whatever else that was there. Appetizers were also ready so guests reluctantly line up after much persuasion by the host. But you can tell that all they are thinking about are the appetizers. We grab some appetizers and go back to our huddle position with nothing to talk about. One guy mentions something about weather but that topic shows promise like that of a snowflake in the Arizona desert. Apart from being a boring topic couple of them mangled the words climate and weather so it was rather confusing to everyone after the first couple sentences. The huddle is now getting rather uncomfortable and I personally cannot wait to get the hell out of there. I am unable to take it anymore and bring up the topic of cricket in a rather dumb way. “Hey are you guys following the India-Aus series?” Most of them didn’t care for my question and the couple who did said they don’t follow cricket anymore because the Indian team is a “waste” and their importance is “too much”. And that they should bring “youngsters” to the team. At this point, the last muscle in my body has resigned from the party. Now what? It is getting way too awkward now with plenty of silence in between some kid coming up to his/her dad and the dad saying “No, xyz, No. Go to mummy”. It was almost invariably the same answer irrespective of what the kid’s request was.

Like a ray of light in a cold deserted cave (never been in a cold deserted cave to know this but sounds cool doesn’t it?), guy brings up a topic which lights up everyone’s face in that huddle. All he said was this, “did you guys check the September bulletin?” It was like everybody got a booster shot like the Universal Soldier gets. Back then I didn’t know what the September bulletin was and its significance. Of course I could not ask them to I pretended to be excited as well. They started talking about it and I realize that it was Green Card. Ah ha!! The group that I am talking about loves this topic! After much chatter about the irregularities in the system and how some friend’s friend’s friend got his GC in 6 months, they move on to much personalized conversation. It looked like each person is rated by their PD (priority date) and the amount of reports he has from forums. The guy who had eaten most crap out of the forums was the loudest one. So I am rather quiet in this conversation because for one I didn’t apply for GC then and two I had not read a single forum on GC then. The loudest guy turns to me and goes “So what’s your priority date ahh?” Almost shamefully I go “I haven’t applied yet”. If you could see those faces as I spoke those words you would think I committed a cardinal sin and have no moksha for eternity. I give some explanation about why but they have already written me off. In a few minutes I excused myself from the huddle and tried to find my wife…

The next couple hours went by with cake-cutting, buffer dinner and games-for-kids. As they start playing the games, we excuse ourselves under the pretense of a visiting friend at home and take off. What an evening! If only I had a priority date I would have been included in the cool conversations that followed...To PD, the foundation for desi american dreams!

A Dream named "$175000/yr and Rs.5000/day"

This might very well turn into a rather personal blog. I do not know yet. I might find myself riding my emotions as I go on with this or I might exercise some self-restrain both to preserve some thoughts deep within me and to save the couple of people who read this blog from spectacular boredom.

I am on the 7:17am train and my hurried walk from home to the train station was completely unnecessary as the train was 5 minutes late. As I sit on the train my mind jumps to an image I have from the past. It is more of a memory than an image. I am riding the train with my dad en route to the holy Sabarimala. We are accompanied by my father’s friend whose two sons are in the USA. Both computer engineers I recall. My dad is in conversation with his friend and I am mostly tuned out of the rather boring conversation. My dad’s friend probably realizes that I am bored and in the attempt to throw a bone my way looks and me and goes “So Rohit, what are you going to do in the future?” I wasn’t too good at impromptu questions with people I don’t know. I still am not. I look at my dad and see that he is anxious to know as well. Without further thought I say I want to be either a doctor or an engineer. He is thrilled and my dad is proud. “Very Good”, he says in a typical oldies style. “My two sons are computer engineers in the US and they are doing very well”. Oh wow, must be nice, I thought to myself. He turns to my dad and says his son makes $175,000 a year and asked his mom to spend Rs.5000 each day. No, I am not kidding!! Anyway, I get the usual follow-up with regards to marks, rank, entrance and whatnot where I notice that my responses aren’t exactly getting the ceremonious “Very Good” from before. Anyway, the trip went by and I came back home. I still had this number in my head, $175,000! I found the rupees equivalent and converted it to Rs. I should state that this was the very first time I converted something from $ to Rupees and got a glimpse of the “American Dream”. Incredible! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Someone can actually make so much money?? I was sold. I was fully sold on the path I was going to take for the next several years.

Wow…I actually spend maybe 15 seconds on this memory in my head but it took me few minutes to write it down and that is a pretty decent size paragraph. Hmm.

I do not think my dad’s friend and his son’s lofty salary made me pick the career that I did. But here I am. Taking the 7:17am train and riding to work. My salary is not $175000. I have not asked my mom to spend Rs.5000 a day. I wonder how she would react to it. Knowing my mom she will ask me to save it for my future. Was this the future I had pictured in my mind when I proudly claimed that I want to be a doctor or an engineer? My career objectives were clearly set by my material pipe dream? Do I regret the career I picked? No, not really. Am I good at what I do? Well, I think I do alright. I wonder how I would have been in another career. Is it too late to pursue something else? Probably, considering that I do not what the “other” career is and besides I am not the adventurous type anyway. I wonder how I would have been if I had stayed back in India and pursued a career there. Certainly sounds promising when I think about it now but at that time every inch of my body wanted to be here and do exactly what I am doing today. In a way, I am living my dream. Was it my dream? Was it even a dream? I do not know anymore. I have thought of only two line of work in my entire life – the military and this. Military wasn’t very well received by the family and I suppose my passion for that wasn’t strong enough to oppose them and still go for it.

The recession had made me question what I am doing in the US anyway. I am thinking it is because that lofty salary American Dream started fading away. The thought of moving back to India is a topic for another day…

Why am I having these thoughts on the train today? I have some theories –
* I did not bring the next DVD of Sopranos so I have nothing to do on the train besides blog mindlessly.
* I am going through a middle age crisis. Shewwwt! I am not even middle-aged yet!!
* As a kid, a teenager, this is probably as far as I dreamed about. I am likely at a point in my life where I am going “Now what?” Maybe I was too immature when I made career choices and dreamed of my future life. I should have shooting for the stars?

In an attempt to sound intelligent I am going to go with the 3rd theory. Am I still chasing that $175000 (figuratively speaking)? I hear MBA from a top business school is my way out or way up rather. I don’t even know if I will find what I want with that MBA. Which makes me wonder if I even know what I want? I am 31 years old and still can’t see it clearly? Should I still resort to the popular belief and pursue something? Or is it just me being lazy?

Well, obviously I have more questions than answers. But that is how life is supposed to be…Or is it?

No more American Express!

I have never trusted credit cards or for that matter banks in general. All they care is their bottom-line! They try to sneak in fees whenever possible and then mail updated terms and conditions with plenty of fine print. Anyway...now that I have cleared the air out there and established my complete bias, let me proceed with rest of my rant.

Couple months back I purchased 2 airline tickets to Atlantic City using my American Express credit card. What I didn't realize was that American Express auto-included travel insurance for $37 per ticket. I only find that when I look at my statement. This was a week or so before my trip so I called customer service and simply ask that they refund my money because I do not require travel insurance, which I am sure has fine print as well. Insurance, the greatest scam run on mankind rant for a later time. So...they claim it cannot be fully refunded. Apparently they can return $7 per ticket. Like any other hapless customer I ask that I speak with the supervisor. That person gives me the same story but no real explanation. Just "I am sorry Sir but we cannot fully refund it". It made no sense to me. I never select travel insurance but got charged. AND I haven't traveled yet so I haven't really used that stupid thing anyway. So why would I pay for it? The supervisor says I had signed up for this. Well, that's ridiculous!! I am told I can dispute the charge so fine...I will dispute the charge, I said. By this time I already hate american express and anything they stand for. So I cancel my card. Heck ya! I cancel that slimy-ass sleazeball credit card and shred it.

The story doesn't end here though. I had ask that they send me proof of me signing up for this "service". I get a mail couple weeks later saying I had signed up over the phone so there is no proof that can be presented. The dispute has been settled and I owe them the money. I called but that call went nowhere now that I am not even a customer. I posted on forums, filed a case on BBB, filed complaints on multiple consumer but nothing...absolutely nothing!

My misery doesn't end here...while I am battling this charge again, those crooks charge me a $19 late fee. WTF! Now I have to call again and dispute that crap. Ugh! And if I just refuse to pay it will show up on credit history and hurt me! Where are consumer rights here?

Whatever the outcome of this is...I will never, never ever carry an american express card. They belong in the right place...garbage. And in the right form...shredded.

Ridiculous F'n job posting!!!

This is a real email that someone got! What I found ridiculous was the mention about marital status. What does that have to do with anything? Denmark or the company or this dude in need of single people for social reasons? Loser! I have seen some lame emails but this one goes all the way to the top.

Dear XXXXX,

We are looking XXXXX Consultant for a 6-12 months contract in Denmark.

If your are interested, please send us your update CV, your
availability, your rate and your 3 last references.

You must have a minimum 5 years experience and a valid passport for
working visa. We are looking for people with single marital status.

Please, reply as soon as possible as we have to make a good quotation
for our customer for next week.

Thanks

Kind regards

XXX XXXXX

Managing Director

My Quest

My wife and I are sitting on the floor in our family room with our backs against the couch and my 1 yr old daughter is playing in the general area. She stops by the coffee table and is intrigued by the photo envelopes on them. They are right in the middle of the table so she is unable to reach them. She retries from different supposed-vantage points but is unable to secure the envelopes. It must be of great interest to her because after trying for couple minutes, she turns around, looks at both of us, and after confirming she has our attention starts crying (and I commonly refer to as the fake crying distinctly marked by no tears). My wife and I have been trying to not give her something as soon as she starts crying to avoid her going into the habit of crying for anything she wants. Yes, we are novice parents trying out different theories. She probably does this for about a minute and then turns around and walks away. I turn to wife and check if there is anything in the envelope and if it OK for my daughter to have. Yes, she says. As I proceed to pick up one of the envelopes, my wife confidently claims that it is of no importance to my daughter anymore. No, she will still appreciate that I gave it to her so I pick it up and leave it close enough for her to pick it up. By now, her attention is fully on something else and doesn’t even notice the envelope. So OK my wife was right, again! After a few minutes, my daughter is walking around the area and there…she notices the envelopes and in what looked like pure impulse picks up and starts playing with it.

This event as much common and typical as it was, somehow registered in my mind. I couldn't shelve it anywhere and I found it bouncing around my head for a while. And I kept thinking why, why am I remembering this? What is its significance? What is my conscience telling my brain? It wasn’t until this morning that I had an epiphany sorts and this is my theory.

I over analyze things. I use a lot of “but” in my thoughts and while I feel I am generally a positive thinker, I question the good-to-be-true of many things and get impatient and frustrated about not-so-good of many things. I recently mentioned to my wife that I feel like I am in a box. I feel every forward motion I make or happens to me only gets me to another “side” of the box. Here is how a simple thought I have would be like.

Hmm…I like what I do but…it is not secure. I am healthy…but I am balding. My commute is not too bad…but it is not too flexible with the train. I have a decent car…but it is not a hybrid high end SUV. I love Chicago…but the winter is freaking long. But…but…but…I am trying to think of stuff without using “but” and I am realizing that it is not easy.

I have something to learn from my 1 yr old here. That photo envelope was probably really important for her at that moment. But she moved on and found something else she liked. She continued on her quest after that and found the envelope. She recognized it instantly and did exactly what she wanted to do earlier except it was within her reach now.

I am oversimplifying things here but I think underneath everything the principle is the same. It is how we reach for something, are unable to reach it and instead of moving on try to go back to the same thing over and over again without ever seeing the possibilities outside of it. Now, you should try few times, many times like how my 1 yr old tried to reach the envelope from many points of the table. What is crucial is the ability to go beyond the frustration and look for more opportunities. I do not have that ability. Not right now anyway. But maybe it is time I work on it. Until then, I am going to be in a box. I will find success and I do but I will only find myself in a bigger box then. A box layered with “but”…

Is it because I am not content? Is it because I am greedy? Is it because I am ambitious? I don’t know. I will continue through life and my experiences will take me some place. And in that pursuit or when I finally get there I should be able answer those questions. It is my quest…and yes, I will find my photo envelope.

Lunch Special

My fists are clutched. My steps are well-paced. My opening and only line is well-rehearsed. I am ready. I know what I should do. I know what I should say. I know what I want...Here we go..now...do it! Go!

"Hi. General Tsao's chicken. Lunch Special. To Go. Uhhh. Please?"

Yes, I am at our "friendly" neighborhood Chinese take-out place Eat and Drink. So eat and drink (from hereon will be referred to as EnD) is the mom and pop of all mom and pop joints! Food is great. Well, I think so. Service is quick. Close to work. Reasonably priced - $6.50 for lunch special which includes entree, fried rice and egg-roll or crab rangoon. However, there is a catch...You have to know what you want before you step in front of the counter. Much like the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld except that is total fiction from a comedy sitcom and this is for real.

so EnD is strictly take out. There are couple of tables but I think they are for people who messed up at the counter and have to wait for a "probation" period before retrying. EnD is about the size of two(maybe three)toll booths (no, I am not kidding!) and located in the corner of a parking lot. If not for the neon signs outside, it could very well be mistaken to be the parking lot "office".

Anyway, going back to ordering protocol at the counter.
1. Before you do anything near the counter, decide what you want. Be as specific as you can. If you can stick to a number on the menu, even better!
2. Ea---aaa--se in front of the counter. Maintain eye contact. Clear your voice. You got one shot at this!
3. In a clear voice, place your order, mouthing words specific to your order. I have nailed mine to this "Hi. General Tsao's chicken. Lunch Special. To Go. Uhhh. Please?" You might want to rehearse yours.
4. Await confirmation but do not expect verbal confirmation. It could be a nod or even a wave. In my experience, it is the relay of the order in high-pitch voice in Chinese to the "Chef" standing 2 feet away from the counter, but don't count on that.
5. On "confirming" step away from the counter. Do not linger!
6. Don't get distracted. Keep your eyes and ears open. You are close to the finish. You can do it!
7. As soon as you hear your order "announced" from the counter, it is time to pick up the food. Do not hesitate. Do not flinch. Do not get carried away. Again, ea--aaa--se your way in front of the counter. Have your cash ready (can't use card if under $10 - no exceptions) and, this is real important, if you want crab rangoon instead of egg-roll, be sure to mention at this time, again in a clear voice. Egg-roll is default selection and trust me, they do not like to change once it is in the bag.
8. Pick up your order and ease out of the counter. Pick up fork, spoon, napkins, soy sauce, duck sauce from the table opposite the counter. Do not ask for it at the counter while picking up food!
9. Step outside the door. Take a deep breath. I usually eat my crab rangoon at this point to help overcome the stress I had just been through. If you need a full meal to overcome yours I am sure that is acceptable.

It is interesting how so many restaurants invest so much on decor, hospitality, servicing, liquor license, piano and what not but still go out of business. But this little shack does just one thing well and stays in business (and doing well I believe). Good for them the one thing they do well is make good food.

If you are ever in Chicago west loop, you should check it out. You will enjoy it...as long as you remember the protocol.

Ineligible Bachelors?

"Ineligible Bachelors: Indian Men Living in U.S. Strike Out
Brides and Parents Back Home Get Picky as Economy Makes America Look Risky"
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123896998996190775.html


It made front page of The Wall Street Journal yesterday. Interesting...WSJ is done with AIG bonuses, bank bailout, G20 and could only turn to the singleness of Indian men apparently prolonged due to a weak economy. Few lines from this articles stick out...

Rahul Tamrakar, 32, a full-time consultant for International Business Machines Corp. in Chicago, has been looking for a bride back home in India. But he says prospective in-laws were worried that "consultant" was a euphemism for "unemployed." One parent asked to see his tax returns. He refused, and the talks fell through. Now, "I'm trying to meet up [with] girls who are in the U.S. already," he says.

The parent asking for the tax returns is what we could call a Ninja move! If your prospective in-law asks for your tax returns it is a sign. A sign that you should run as far as you can from that dude. If you end up being his son-in-law he is going to only stop at demanding that you direct deposit your paycheck to a common account and pick up "allowance" from him. Having said that, when my 1 yr old is ready to get married I will find a way to run a full credit report on the guy! You bet!

Ms. Seth says that if she were to move to the U.S. or to another developed country, she might not get a job quickly and would have to be dependent on her husband for a while. While she's open to the idea of giving up her independence, she worries that given the state of the U.S. economy, a groom based in America might not be earning enough to support her. For instance, Ms. Seth says she likes nice clothes and would like to have a flat-screen TV. "Is he really prepared to provide the kind of lifestyle that I have right now?" She expects a husband to earn more than she does.

Okie dokie...what is it really? Make enough to support her or provide the kind of lifestyle "I have right now"? Ms.Seth broke it down for us. Kohl's clearance sale of "Made in Bangladesh" nice clothes and Visio flat screen TV, refurbished. I mean if you are shallow at least hit real high. Nice clothes and flat screen? Please!

Mr. Dave of Klassic Match charges a minimum fee of $100, versus $50 for candidates living in India. He charges more for specific requirements. For instance, he says some overseas Indians want a bride who is smart, fluent in English, and "simultaneously, docile in the house." He says such women are now harder to find, so he bumps up his fees for some searches.

Simultaneously, docile in the house? Is this guy really married? What is this? The Stepford wives finder?

Oh well...

I am so thankful for having met my wife when I was a not particularly motivated college student...I could only improve from that point. Or so she felt.

To the tigers and tigresses out there in the jungle looking for each other - there is more to it than tax returns, nice clothes and flat screen TVs but ya, that is a good start. :)

Ka-chow!

Growing up, my idol was Superman. He was the ultimate Hero according to me! How couldn’t he be? He can fly, x-ray vision, laser from his eye, unimaginable strength, stop bullets and missiles…I mean he is flawless.

I notice that kids nowadays follow different kind of heroes. Spider-man, batman and superman are still pretty popular but there is a whole set of heroes that are just like regular people. To name a few, Lightning McQueen, Diego from Go Diego Go, Dora the explorer, Kung Fu Panda…

I am going to focus on Lightning McQueen here. Well, he is the one I know most about but above all reasons I am truly amazed how these two little kids I know, adore McQueen! The first time I watched the movie Cars, I fell asleep on the couch and instead of blaming my habit of falling asleep on the couch, I blamed it on the movie and critiqued it as a boring movie by Pixar. My wife fell asleep as well so I was pretty darn sure that it was because the movie was boring.

Couple years or so later, I come in close contact with McQueen and it has made me come to the conclusion that it was my habit of falling asleep on the couch and not the movie Cars. Ok, before I am critiqued as crazy let me elaborate. Two boys, a 3ish yr old and a 1.5ish yr old gave me an entirely different perspective about McQueen and his friends. To them he is the true hero. And I keep thinking how a talking car could take such a prime spot on a kid’s mind? A place I thought was for superman! Now…the entertainment world, media world and every kid’s shoes and clothes factory in china has ensured McQueen’s popularity. However, I give credit to the kids of this generation to pick a regular dude who was an arrogant jerk but realized what he was and “fixed” his attitude. By doing so, McQueen has gone on to replace the much sort after place in a kid’s heart and mind. Kids probably relate to him more than they do with superman.

So McQueen thought he was unbeatable; nothing would ever happen to him. In fact he doesn’t even “wear” headlights. He says race cars don’t need headlights because the tracks are always lit. Much like how a lot of people felt prior to the financial meltdown! :) McQueen didn’t believe in team work. He felt he was so good and didn’t need anybody. If my memory serves right, McQueen fired 3 crew chiefs. However, all that changes when he is stuck in this supposedly godforsaken town radiator springs! Without going into too much details, McQueen comes out a changed person, uh, car from this experience.

The final race is really cool! The creators of the movie get so much done in that race. McQueen realizes how beatable he is. He realizes that he does need a team. Guido’s fastest pit stop is one of my favorite scenes in the movie. McQueen realizes it is not always about winning the race. !!!SPOILER ALERT!!! By pushing Mr. The King across the line McQueen drove the point to the kids that you can be a winner without finishing first. We live in a competitive and cynical world. We doubt our own abilities everyday. We doubt others abilities even more. As a kid, I could never imagine superman coming third in a race. Impossible! But the two boys I know and all the McQueen fans out there love McQueen and relate to him because he is just like every body else. He wants to win, needs help to win and sometimes feels good about something in spite of not winning.

I encourage anyone who hasn’t watched the movie to rent it tonight and watch it. And in some cases I might be able arrange a viewing of cars with one of biggest McQueen fans.

With that said…I am going to leave you with some quotes from the movie.

“Well, you know, race cars don't need headlights, because the track is always lit.”

“Ah. This grumpy old race car I know once told me something: it's just an empty cup.”

“Float like a Cadillac, sting like a Beemer.” I am going to give McQueen a pass for "re-wording" Ali’s line!

“Luigi follow only the Ferraris.”

Once upon a time...

I always start a story for my 1yr old daughter this way “Once upon a time, in a kingdom far far away, there lived a little angel. Little angel had many many friends but her best friend was,...drumroll... Daddy!” And after a lot of twists and turns and drama, I would end it this way “…and they were so happy that little angel is there for them and they lived happily ever after. The End” I take great pride in my story telling abilities but they are purely based on my daughter’s reaction and take no account of the immense ridiculing by my wife.

So I am going to put my story telling ability to test here…but it is not a children story and it is PG 13…there are no angels or fairies or witches in this story…so here it goes.

Once upon a time, in a city far far away (at least from here it is), there lived a teenager. The teenager had many many friends (ok, not so many) but his best friend was…Well, that is not important. Moving on… Ok, I am sensing I am not doing so well…yet. Just wait, it gets better. And besides I am unable to give the hand gestures and funny voice that I use with my daughter.

Every day the boy and his friends would walk on the streets of this city and be very curiously amazed and get a serious rush of their-teenage-hormones looking at the not so subtle “A” rated posters on the wall. They would wonder how one could get into one of these movie theaters. There were always rumors and hear-says about what was in these movies but they had never seen it themselves so had no idea if they were just rumors or had any truth to it.

They were 16 yrs old now. The boy and his friends decided they were old enough to make their own decisions and the decision they made was to check out one of these movies. It required a lot of courage, considerable planning and had to be done with total secrecy. If a word of this plan gets out, everything will be in jeopardy. You are talking about getting the punishment without even doing the crime. You would be forever seen as an A-movie-goer without having ever been to one. How terrible! So they came up with the plan. Firstly, they needed an alibi for the 3 hours because the movie theater had to be as far away as possible from anything that was even remotely related to anything to home. That ruled out most of the theaters in this city. Secondly, decide on the movie and timings. Now this wasn’t hard because once you ruled out most of the theaters, the choices were pretty slim. Finally, they needed a clear entry and exit strategy to and from the movie hall.

The movie they picked was Lady Terminator – Amazon link.
You can click; it is clean. The boy and his friends picked it because of the tremendous potential the poster displayed. They decided on the date and an entry-exit strategy which was pretty simple. Enter after movie has started; use the darkness and sneak into an open seat; exit out before the end of the movie; darkness used then as well. Also had a brilliant back up plan in case of being caught during this well planned entry and reentry – was in the neighborhood to buy books and was offered tickets by a friend who mysteriously vanished right then. One of the friends backs out. No, he said. I will not be part of this. I will suppress my curiosity and not be tempted by these sinful posters. So be it.

That left the boy and his friend…Two brave boys, into the darkness, to come out enlightened.

The day arrived. The boys make their way to the movie theater. Shut off the bike couple blocks before and push it through the complex. Park at a very discreet corner and even try to cover the plates with branches of a nearby tree. Yes, they had thought it all out. It was perfect! Now the boys were nervous but they couldn’t display it to anybody else. The ticket counter clerk wouldn’t sell tickets, they thought, if he sensed they were underage. The boys nervously walk in total confidence and demand two tickets. Done. Now that they were in possession of the tickets, they have to “hang out” somewhere and wait for the right time to make an entry into the dark movie hall. Tick tick tick…tock tock tock…Done.

They make entry into the dark movie theater. It is loud. Lot of gunfire and explosions. It is a good sign, they thought to themselves. The adrenaline rush from being secretive and from being on the verge of uncovering a teenage boy’s greatest mystery! Wow! They are unable to secure two adjacent seats except for the ones without a back rest. Hmm, they nodded and didn’t look any further. It must have been few minutes into the movie but their curiosity has only increased. There is still lot of gunfire and explosions. It might not be a good sign after all, they thought to themselves this time. Time passes…10 minutes…15…20….still nothing but a lot of shooting. Their curiosity is overtaken by nervousness, guilt, shame and fear! They are both thinking to themselves that this was a bad idea. They both wished they were some place else then. It must be 30 minutes into the movie when they both decided it was best to leave. Since they weren’t paying any attention to the story (if there was one), and it was just mindless gunfire, they had no idea when the movie would really end so it was safer to take off now.

The movie theater is still dark…still gunfire and explosions…pretty much the way they found it when they came in. The exit is also uneventful, as is rest of this whole plan. They make their way to the bike and the plates are still hidden by the tree branches. Identity is still concealed. Brilliant!

The boys were so relieved they got out of the theater without being caught. As they ride blocks and blocks away from the theater, they shed away all their nervousness, shame, guilt and shame. Their curiosity remains and it might appear to others that the plan was a disaster but they executed it perfectly. For they knew, that their plan was perfect and it was only the movie that slightly messed it up…

The boys are all grown up now but they haven’t forgotten about that afternoon. The plan. The theater. Lady Terminator. They are very happy they showed courage and executed an almost perfect plan. And they live happily ever after!

The end…